Tough Loss

The Villians suffered a difficult defeat at the hands of Nashua on Sunday. Not an atypical game for the Villians. We carried play but couldn't put one past their keeper (who clearly wasn't the same keeper we played earlier in the year). Our defense had one breakdown and not even a diving save by John could help, as Nashua tucked away the rebound. The 1-0 loss all but ensures that the Villians will be unable to move up to Division 4 next season. Thus, the team will have to wait until 2012 to take a crack ascending through the ranks of the “Over The Hill” Soccer League to the ultimate destination: Division 1 Champions, which not coincidentally will represent the last great on-field athletic accomplishment of all of our lives.

That’s right fellas, as my two trips to the chiropractor last week reminded me, we are not getting any younger. Running around a field chasing a ball and swearing at referees is not getting any easier. With each season that passes, other teams are replenishing their rosters with younger, faster, less angry players that contribute to both better tactical on-field performance as well as a more unified, collaborative sense of “team”. The time in which we currently exist is a defining one for the Villians, for it is now that we begin our multi-season ascent to greatness.

Have the preceding words painted too bleak a picture? Fear not my friends, as there is still time, and certainly there is some historical precedent to look at for inspiration. The Villians are not unlike the current New England Patriot franchise. The Patriots had much success earlier in the decade, with multiple championship seasons and the like, but have had to rebuild the roster with an influx of young talent to combine with Hall-of-Fame-caliber veterans and management, and are once again poised to be great over the next few years. Similarly, the Villians had some successful seasons climbing from Division 5 to Division 3 before leveling off and descending back to Division 5. Now, with a solid crop of new players this season in Mikkel, John, Josh, and Jim, hopefully a few more next season, combined with the Villians incredibly skilled and proven veterans (Seriously I’ll take Salach and Jamie over Belichick and Brady any day… In a drinking contest that is, but I digress), the time is now for “The Ascension”.

This season has been our last mulligan. We finish strong, instilling fear and doubt into our opponents. Two wins to prepare ourselves for the glorious days ahead, and to leave a victorious taste in our mouths throughout the winter that no amount of turkey, egg-nog, whiskey, fruit cake, crack cocaine, or any other holiday pleasure can chase away. The end of this season and the immediate seasons that lie ahead will be our final athletic submissions to the Gods of Sport. As we grow older and move away from the field into coaching our kids’ teams and living vicariously through our fantasy football rosters, our ascension to Division 1 will be the closing argument in the Universe’s judgment of our athletic lives. Let’s emerge victorious.

Seriously though, who the f*#k is bringing beers this week?

We can all learn from the Red Sox!

Look, it is not that hard. We have all been doing it for like 20 years. Possibly more. It should be second nature by now. It is not very difficult. Sometimes it may require communication, teamwork, and collaboration. Other times it just takes looking in the mirror and deciding that you are going to be the one to step up and get it done. Everyone needs to take responsibility and be accountable. Sure it is a moment for soul-searching and reflection but more importantly it is time for action.

That's right, someone needs to step up and bring beers to our god damn soccer games every week! None of this, “Oh well I brought them last week,” or “I have to run to my kid’s First Communion right after the game” or whatever. No. Step up. Be accountable. You go grocery shopping on Saturday? Throw a twelve pack in the cart. Fillin up your car with gas sometime during the week? Stop in the Quicky mart and grab an 18-rack. Hell, I don’t care if you piss in an empty Corona bottle and call it beer! You think Brendan won’t drink it?! Then once you’ve either bought beers or pissed in 6 Corona bottles, fire off an email to management and let us know about your heroic gesture. With those easy steps you will help fill the Villians with winning characteristics that they have clearly been lacking. Accountability. Victory. Heroism.

Losing 6-2 is one thing. But what is more embarrassing is having to walk by the back of someone on the other team’s car, where all of their players are huddled up, passing around beers, chatting about the game and having a good time, knowing that we are just headed back to our cars empty handed. Granted it was a nice consolation prize to find a Manchester establishment with 99 cent Bud drafts and 50 cent wings, but do we really need to help build up the economy of Manchester-By-The-Sea?!

To paraphrase an anonymous Villian. “Look, I don’t play soccer to play soccer. I play it to get out of my house for a few hours and get drunk.”

Clearly the lack of beers affected the Villians on the field Sunday. Rabbit tucked in a nice goal in the first half off a rebound of a Garv shot, but clearly his concentration and stamina were shot in the second half, resulting in a missed penalty kick. Was it the lack of his typical pre-game pounder? Me thinks so.

I (Nick), knowing there were no beers to look forward to after the game, was clearly on edge, channeling my inner-Jamie and screaming at John after one of many Hurricane break-aways (Sorry bout that bro. Would have loved to offer you a beer afterwards to reconcile, but…. well….).

One positive is that nobody told Joe that there were no beers to look forward to after the game, so he was unaffected, ran like a dog like he always does, and scored a real nice goal in the second half. It is also worth noting that The Villians were lacking in players and everyone who showed up played pretty well. The Villians just lost focus and concentration in the second half, and the Hurricanes turned a pretty close game into a lopsided one.

There are some things we can control and some things we can’t. If we win out we will be in good shape, but still have to hope that the Hurricanes lose. Win or lose though, we can always show up with a cooler filled with cold, crisp, refreshing beers (or even luke-warm bottles of piss). Whether or not we accomplish this though depends entirely on each of us taking personal responsibility for the greater cause: Villians gettin they post-game fade on. Cheers.

Columbus Day Massacre!

Columbus Day weekend proved to be a pivotal moment in history for the Villians, much like Christopher Columbus' discovery of America 519 years ago. The Villians man-handled Harvard in 2 games over the week-end, winning 4-0 on Saturday and 9-2 on Sunday, to remain in first place on put the rest of the league on notice. There were parallels throughout the week-end to Columbus and the great explorers of history. Let's get to them:

When Columbus set sail west from Spain, his intention was to hit the West Indies. Instead, he hit what would become Miami or some shit. What he didn't know at the time, was the land he discovered would one day become the U.S.A., the greatest country on Earth, a nation in first place in the world. Similarly, the Villians simply set out to win a few games, but instead discovered an incredibly potent offense and a shut-down defense (when needed). They set sail for victory and discovered the fruits of their journey were far more than they could have asked for.

A less glorious portrait of Columbus has been painted by some historians. For, there were already Native Americans in this land for hundreds of years before Columbus "discovered" America. Columbus opened the door for Europeans to come over and destroy, rape, pillage, and build a great nation on the backs of colonialism and slave labor. Similarly, The Villians encountered a soccer team in Harvard who, while seemingly decent people, needed to be exploited for the less-sophistaced savages that they were. That is what the Villians did. They exposed this team and exploited the fact that they lacked the skill and resources to make a stand in the world of dog-eat-dog Division 5 soccer.

In Sunday's match, Juice was like Magellan times two. See, Magellan was the first explorer to circumnavigate the globe by boat, sort of the equivalent of scoring a hat trick in a Division 5 over-30 soccer match. Well, Juice scored freaking 6 goals! That's right... 6!! Dude had 5 at half-time! In explorer metaphors, that is a double circumnavigation of the globe! Yeah, Magellan... real impressive buddy... but we got planes now, and we got Juice!!

There are reports that Columbus died an unhappy man, as he had intended to be the first explorer to sail west and circle the globe. Instead, he hit Miami (hopefully South Beach was poppin with some fine Native American women only wearing leaves), and didn't make it around the earth, leaving that feat for Magellan. This is kinda like Cam, who after scoring a goal in Saturday's game remarked that he was the Villians leading scorer. Um, then Juice a.k.a. Magellan showed up Sunday and put Cam in his place, probabbly for good.
OK. That's about as far as I can go with Explorer Metaphors. Can't think of any other explorers besides Vasco De Gama, and I have no idea what he did, and I refuse to spend too much more time on fucking Villian soccer. I am already in the dog house at home for spending the whole weekend at the soccer field. It should be noted though that there were a handful of players who were true warriors for the Villian cause, playing both games throughout the weekend, and we're all paying for it now with the inability to walk straight. Brendan, Rabbit, Joe, Nick, Ryan, Gatchell, and Cam. While key contributions were made by every single player who showed up at either game over the weekend, some quick notes on the 2-game warriors: Brendan played very solid at keeper on Saturday, then scored a goal late in the game, then got obliterated on the golf course, passed out at 6:00 pm and played another stellar match Sunday. Rabbit played a ton of defense all weekend, and still managed to get like 4 assists. The Rabbit-to-Juice thru-balls were workin well. There was one good player on Harvard: #9. He was fast as hell and Nick and Joe chased him down all game Saturday. Ran him so hard he pulled something, injured himself, and didn't even show up Sunday. So, Nick and Joe moved up to forward for the second half of the second game and created some nice chances and even capitalized on a few (and missed a few others). Ryan and Gatchell held down the middle like they always do. Gatch dug out every ball he could, and some I didn't think he could, and scored a goal. Ryan controlled the ball and set up a bunch of scoring opportunities. We already talked about Cam, who is showing a nice knack for the goal these days, and tellin everyone about it.

All-in-all, great week-end! And yeah I'm not above closing it on an awful Explorer play-n-words.... Vasco de Gama, you say? I say Villians-got-Game-a!!!

Laying an Egg!

The Villians took their first-place show on the road, up to Byfield, to face North Shore United in a cool, crisp, windy match. A few soft goals later, the stunned Villains left the field as 3-1 losers (both in score of this match and in overall record). For all intents and purposes, however, The Villians still control their own destiny, and will be in fine shape moving forward. Still, what happened in this match is worth exploring. It was a evenly played match, and tough to tell why it became lopsided, so we consulted with some of the great leaders and philosophers from throughout the hostor of civilized earth to help us. Here is what we came up with:
"Be quick, but don't hurry." John Wooden

Villians need more of this. Get the ball. Don’t rush. Control it. Then make a decisive move. Posses with composure and urgency. A perfect example of this is Ryan’s goal, which was The Villians’ lone goal in the match. Ryan took a pass at the top of the 18, collected himself, made a decisive move to his right, and fired a shot on net. Goal. Be quick but don’t hurry.

“Opportunities Multiply as they are seized.” Sun Tzu – Art of War

On occasion the Villians strung together a some nice passes, taking what the defense gave them. With each successive pass, new opportunities opened to move the ball forward. Sometimes even moving the ball backwards is ok, as taking advantage of an open man will multiply opportunities moving forward.

“Speak Softly and Carry a Big stick.” Teddy Roosevelt
“The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions”. Confucious
“A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.” Buddha
“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.” Abe Lincoln

I’ll add one more quote to this series. “Jamie, if you are gonna constantly be negative, loud, and yell at everyone on your team, that’s fine. Just don’t give up a back-breaking “own-goal” right before the half in a tie game. Talk is cheap.” Nick Savarese (Payback, biatch)
“A bitch is a bitch.” Dr. Dre, MC Wren, Ice Cube, Easy-E (a.k.a. N.W.A.)

This quote is in honor of #6, the bald-headed mofo on the other team who wouldn’t stop bitching at the ref, or guys on our team, or guys on his team, even when they were up 3-1 and the game was in hand.


"I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.” Leonardo daVinci

To the ref, who most likely knew what to do, but had zero urgency whatsoever. Fucking 30 guys showed up to play at 9:00 am on a Sunday morning, and he just wanders around the field aimlessly… chatting, walking, pissing, whatever. Finally he gets the game started at 9:20.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do”. Confucious
Back to Confucious to close it out. So we failed. Big deal. We’ll get these guys later in the season, back on the postage stamp in North Andover. For now we get up, brush it off, and roll into a double-header against a beat-able Harvard team. Let's stay in first place.

What a terrible win!

After sleep-walking their way to a 2-0 deficit 30 minutes into the game The Villians came back and scored 5 unanswered against a crappy and under-manned last place team for a 5-2 win. A win is a win. Still in first place. Nobody played particularly outstanding or horrendously, so we will dedicate this blog post to the one man who did step up and sacrifice for the team, Brett. Brett played keeper, and the Villians kept him busy back there for at least the first quarter of the game, and he also responded with a nice Tim Thomas-esque kick-save in the second half as well. As for the rest of the game, well… presumably he had some time to think about lyrics to lay on top of his debut Mixtape of Instrumentals. That’s right, instead of hittin’ the studio on Sunday morning, Brett sacrificed for the Villians, and the Villians responded by giving him time to create lyrics so that he can release 5 new tracks on Halloween along with 10 new beats.

That’s teamwork. Villians sacrificing for one another. So perhaps Brett can put some lyrics over a beat about the Villians. Screw it. I’ll do it myself. A quick Villian free-style inspired by Brett’s spoken word mastery:

Villians shots sailed
Far and wide
And by the time
They found their stride
Villians were already
Far behind

Villian’s defense got tight
Like a belt on the other team’s keeper
Or was it their striker?
Both were fat
A fact that
Didn’t haunt them
Til after the half

Then the Villians awoke
Shooting, passing, cussing
Teaching children of Villians
Words we won’t be discussing

5 to 2
Shit Cam got two
Rabbit, Gatch and Ry
Each put one thru
And what to do?
Hit up Jaime’s the bar
chicken wings
were bizarre


tasted great
like god-damn first place tastes

still in driver’s seat
continue to seek
continuous winning streak
remember when
things were bleak,
nah me neither
let’s get it next week

Week 2

Coming off a great season-opening win, The Villians stormed into Week 2 at a new venue against a good team and stuck together in a come-from-behind thriller to stay atop the Division in first place with a 2-0 record. While The Villians were the better team all game and certainly deserved to win, there was a little bit of luck that factored into the equation. It could have been the luck of the new jerseys, branded with the logo of Jaime’s, North Andover’s premier eating and drinking establishment. Also contributing was a set-of-turns taken by Brendan and Nick on the way to the game. After getting confused on what exit to take, Nick and Brendan had to take four different off-ramps to get back on the correct route. Taking these four different ramps formed a perfect four-leaf-clover, creating a vortex of Villian good-ness that was later driven through by the day’s goal scorers Rabbit and Jamie. Just sayin.

As for the game itself, The Villians dominated from start, creating many scoring opportunities early on and generally carrying play throughout the first half. Unfortunately late in the half the other team (whatever the hell they are called, Nashua?) got a free kick and Nick, still dreaming about four-leaf clovers, let his man run loose and head the ball in the goal. Villian, after dominating play, trailed at the half 1-0.

The second half continued as the first half did but Nashua-or-whatever did have a few more scoring opportunities. However, the defense and keeper did well to stop a few break-aways, including James’ heroic hustle to stop a ball going in the open net. Then the offense came alive. Jamie scored off a beautifully-placed free kick from about 40 yeards out that went over the keeper’s head. Our keeper would have saved it, but a good shot nonetheless. Then, with about 5 minutes left, after claiming he was going to leave early to go to the Pats game, Rabbit pulled off some crazy shot from well outside the 18 that also went over the keepers head, for a 2-1 lead that the Villians would not relinquish.

You can call it pulling a “Rabbit” out of a hat. You can call it the luck of the four-leaf clover. You can attribute it to the crisp new Jaime’s logo on the shirt. Whatever. The bottom line is the Villians were the better team all day and deserved to win the game. First place with no signs of slowing down. Back to God’s Country this week to continue the winning streak.