See the chick in this picture? Perfect 10 right? Well guess what? The chick you are looking at used to be a dude. No lie. It is Jenna Talackova, a finalist for Miss Universe Canada. (S)he was recently disqualified from competition cuz, well.. she used to be a dude. Would you still hit it? Just kidding, don’t answer that (out loud anyways).
What does this picture have to do with the upcoming Villians soccer season, you ask? Everything, my friends. Everything. We should all aspire to have the work ethic, discipline, and determination of Jenna. If she can work her way from being a man into a smoking hot chick, then surely you can work off the 25 extra pounds of beer, egg nog, ham, turkey, pizza, chips, and whatever the hell else you gluttonously consumed all winter while Jenna was busy working out, lifting weights, taking hormone pills, inverting her penis, and sticking her finger down her throat to make herself puke.
Granted the first game is a few days away, but go for a freaking jog! Also, after the first game against Old School Soccer Club, who we beat handily last year, we have a week off for Easter before our next game. That is ample time to go for like 4 runs, or hit the treadmill, or look into a sex change operation so you can dominate the Over-The-Hill female league. Whatever decision you make, Villian Management will have your back, unless of course you just decide to sit on the couch for two weeks.
Fellas, in all seriousness, we are not getting any younger, and as we discussed last year, if we are going to ascend to the ultimate pinnacle of adulthood, an Over-The-Hill Division 1 Championship… OK I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s just make the playoffs of Division freaking 5 this season. Cool? Looking forward to hitting the pitch with you all. Someone bring beers. See you Sunday.
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