New Hampshire’s prodigal son Jamie returned to his beloved homeland, worked his Granite State magic and somehow, for the first time in Villain history, got the referee on the side of the Villains w/ one of his now-trademark tactless remarks, this one about prostate exams or anal probes or something. Maybe Jamie and the ref grew up eating funnel cakes together on the Hampton Strip. Whatever the case, the ref didn’t seem to mind when in the first half Jamie delivered one of the Villains’ most accurate strikes of the season, intentionally blasting a direct kick square in the back of #17, or as his teammates were calling him, The Laconia Lard-ass, or Titty Tilton. More of the same occurred in the in the second half when Jamie leveled Tits to the ground. The Villains were bracing for Jamie’s inevitable “talking to” from the ref or yellow card at the least, only to hear the ref taunt the Windham Wide-load for diving like a Vancouver Canuck.
Unfortunately the ref could only do so much. The Villains gave up 2 early goals. Brendan, John, Jamie, and Dan all verbally took responsibility for a role in these goals but really we just kinda suck as a team sometimes. Actually, it is probably the fault of Joe, who took “Live Free or Die” literally by making up his own game-time, and showed up 30 minutes into the game.
The Villains did wake up for the end of the first half and beginning of the second. Rabbit lived a New Hampshire-style renegade “live free” weekend that included starting a 15-foot bonfire, facebooking about the fire, pounding a Miller Lite at midnight in the shower (I know I know a bit too much info here but bear with me), then shaking it all off in the game the next day and delivering a beautiful pass through the defense to Nick, who beat both the last line of defense and the keeper like Mitt Romney smacked down his opponents in the New Hampshire Primary, and tucked the ball into the net to cut the Nashua lead to 2-1 at the half.
The Villains also produced some other good chances, including a near connection between Scott and Azzy, a near-goal by Garv that Nashua's keeper made a diving save on, as well as Gatchell hitting the crossbar, but alas, Nashua pulled away like a thoroughbred at Rockingham Park with a third goal that left the Villains stalled out like an out-of-gas motorboat on the shores of Lake Winnipesaukee.
Fear not though Villains, for later in the season, Nashua will visit Massachusetts, where the rampant over-taxing of the socialist minions leads to well-manicured soccer fields and well-educated, reasonably-adjusted citizens and thus an entirely different Villain set. A well-oiled machine ready for revenge. Between now and then though, don’t go to the Pheasant Lane Mall, as you may be permanently scarred by the sight of Nashua's own #17 in the parking lot banging out his teenage girlfriend in the bed of his ’77 El Camino.
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